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Love marriage' came into existence but is not going to survive, for the simple reason that love comes, happens, and one day suddenly goes. It was not in your hands to bring it; neither is it in your hands to keep it. The old marriage failed because the insistence was that you should love your wife, you should love your husband. It was a `should'. And you could not even conceive how you could love; at the most you could pretend, you could act. But love is not a pretension, is not an acting. You cannot do anything. You are absolutely powerless as far as love is concerned. The old marriage failed.
The new marriage is failing
because the new marriage is simply a reaction to the old marriage. It is
not out of understanding, but only out of reaction, revolt -- `love marriage.'
You don't know what love is. You simply see some beautiful face, you see
some beautiful body and you think, "My God, I am in love!" This love is
not going to last, because after two days, seeing the same face for twenty-four
hours a day, you will get bored. The same body... you have explored the
whole topography; now there is nothing to explore. Exploring the same geography
again and again, you feel like an idiot. What is the point? This love affair,
this love marriage is failing, it has already failed. The reason is that
you don't know how to wait so that love can happen.
Your marriage is a subtle politics of domination. Your fatherhood, motherhood, is a subtle politics.
Marriage has made love disappear badly, marriage has made love disappear from the earth. Because for other considerations marriage is arranged ó money, finance, family, prestige, astrology ó all absurd. They have nothing to do with the heart of the two persons who are going to be married. So marriage is almost always a failure; only in rare accidents it is not so ó but they are accidents, exceptions. They cannot be counted. Marriage is always on the rocks, because it is for wrong reasons. Only love can become the foundation of a real marriage, there is no other way. Because there is no other way to find that your wave length is exactly the same as the otherís, that you vibrate in the same way as the other. There is no other way to find it out.
One should marry only when one is wise enough. Marriage is not for young people. For young people is to fool around. Marriage is for those who have experienced life in many ways, who have seen all the colors, the whole spectrum of it, and are now ready to settle.
I am not against marriage -- I am for love. If love becomes your marriage, good; but don't hope that marriage can bring love. That is not possible. Love can become a marriage. You have to work very consciously to transform your love into a marriage. Ordinarily, people destroy their love. They do EVERYTHING to destroy it and then they suffer. And they go on saying, "What went wrong?" They destroy -- they do everything to destroy it.
There is a tremendous desire and longing for love, but love needs great awareness. Only then can it reach its highest climax -- and that highest climax IS marriage. It has nothing to do with law. It is a merging of two hearts into totality. It is the functioning of two persons in synchronicity -- that is marriage.
But people try love and because they are unconscious...their longing is good, but their love is full of jealousy, full of possessiveness, full of anger, full of nastiness. Soon they destroy it. Hence for centuries they have depended on marriage. Better to start by marriage so that the law can protect you from destroying it. The society, the government, the court, the policeman, the priest, they will all force you to live in the institution of marriage, and you will be just a slave. If marriage is an institution, you are going to be a slave in it. Only slaves want to live in institutions.
Marriage is a totally different phenomenon: it is the climax of love. Then it is good. I am not against marriage -- I am for the REAL marriage. I am against the false, the pseudo, that exists. But it is an arrangement. It gives you a certain security, safety, occupation. It keeps you engaged. Otherwise, it gives you no enrichment, it gives you no nourishment.
I have never said that love is destroyed by marriage. How can marriage destroy love? Yes, it is destroyed in marriage, but it is destroyed by you, not by marriage. It is destroyed by the partners. How can marriage destroy love? It is you who destroy it, because you donít know what love is. You simply pretend to know, you simply hope that you know, you dream that you know, but you donít know what love is. Love has to be learned; it is the greatest art there is.
India missed with arranged marriage; the West is missing with free love.
India missed love because parents were too calculating and cunning. They would not allow falling in love: that is dangerous, nobody knows where it will lead. They were too clever, and through cleverness India missed all possibility of love. In the West they are too rebellious, too young; not clever -- too young, too childish. They have made sex a free thing, available everywhere: no need to go so deep to discover love, enjoy sex and be finished.
Through sex, the West
is missing: through marriage, the East has missed. But if you are alert
you need not be Eastern, you need not be Western. Love is neither Eastern
nor Western. Go on discovering love within you. And if you love, sooner
or later the person will happen to you, because a loving heart, sooner
or later, comes to a loving heart -- it always happens. You will find the
right person. But if you are jealous you will not find, if you are simply
for sex you will not find, if you live only for security you will not find.
Be a little aware before you are trapped! Marriage is a trap: you will be trapped by the woman and the woman will be trapped by you. It is a mutual trap. And then legally you are allowed to torture each other forever.
Love, and love as deeply as possible. And if love itself becomes the marriage, that is another thing, altogether different. If love itself becomes such an intimacy that it is unbreakable, that is another thing, that is not a legal sanction. Legal sanctions are needed only because you are afraid. You know that your love is not enough; you need the legal support for it. You know perfectly well that you can escape or the woman can escape, hence you need the policeman to keep you together. But this is ugly, to need a policeman to keep you together. That's what marriage is!
Marriage exists as an institution of exploitation, it is not togetherness. That is why no happiness comes out of it as a flowering. It cannot. Out of the roots of exploitation how can ecstasy be born?
I have never heard about any perfect marriage. They say perfect marriages are made in heaven. Nobody comes back from there so maybe it is true, but what kind of marriage will those perfect marriages be? There will be no tension, there will be no individuality in the man or in the woman. They will never collide, they will never fight. They will be too sweet to each other. And too much sweetness brings diabetes!
Marriage is an institution that teaches a man regularity, frugality, temperance, forbearance and many other splendid virtues he would not need had he stayed single.
As I see it, out of a hundred marriages ninety-nine marriages are just licensed prostitution. They are not marriages. A marriage is only a real marriage when it grows out of love. Legal, illegal, does not matter. The real thing that matters is love. If love exists between two persons, it is blessed. If love does not exist between two persons, then all your laws put together cannot bridge them. Then they exist separate, then they exist apart, then they exist in conflict, then they exist always in war. And they create all kinds of trouble for each other. They are nasty to each other, nagging to each other, possessive of each other, violent, oppressive, dominating, dictatorial. In a better world, with a better humanity, things will be different. In a better world, the child born out of love will not be called bastard; the child only born out of license, law, will be called bastard.
Love affairs have been failing, and parents feel very happy. People come to me and they say, "Look, in the West love affairs have been failing. Then why are you against marriage?" they ask me. Love affairs are failing because first the marriage was arranged by the astrologer, then it was arranged by the parents, and now it is being arranged by biology, by instinct. You suddenly feel that you like a woman, but you don't know how long this is going to last and you are not even aware why you like her. You are not even alert to what it is in you that likes her. Maybe it is just her hairstyle. Now, are you going to get married to a hairstyle? You can get married, but tomorrow morning when you see her hair disheveled you will be at a loss: "Is this the same woman I fell in love with?" How long can you be interested in the hairstyle? Soon you will get fed up. The same hairstyle again and again -- the whole day, twenty-four hours a day...!
People are falling in love because a certain man has a certain type of nose. People are falling in love with fragments! Nobody is bothered about the totality of the person -- and it is a vast thing. The nose does not count for much -- after two days you won't look at it at all. Or the color, or the shape, or the proportion of the body -- all these things are very minor. The real thing is the total functioning of the person, and that can be experienced only when you live together.
Osho Quotes on Love
1.Whenever there is love you will be a king. And then you are free ó because it is a question of love; it does not depend on her. Whenever there is love you will be a king; whenever there is not love you will be a beggar. It is love that gives you the glory. Yes, the love has come through her window; it can come through any other window. It can simply shower on you without anybody. It simply needs understanding ó that it is love, not the person. The person is instrumental. Then you are not imprisoning the person. Love cannot be imprisoned and there is no need to imprison it. Love is your song ó you can sing it any time. It is like breathing. Nobody is going to take it away from you; nobody can take it away from you.
2.Love should be without any expectations; otherwise laughter dies. When you expect, frustration comes in. Nobody can fulfill your expectations, and there is nobody who needs to fulfill them. They come out of a mad, neurotic mind. If somebody fulfills them then too love disappears. Then the other becomes a necessity, a need, a possession ó a valuable possession but a possession all the same.
3.We are creating a different kind of world based on love, in love and for love. The ordinary world is against love. It does not give freedom to the individual, it does not have any respect for the individual, it does not accept the individual and his way of life.
4.Become a language of love. Facts are okay, but just okay; they donít make life a rejoicing, they donít create celebration. They can give you a better standard of life but they cannot give you a new passion for life, they cannot give you intensity of life. They cannot give you quality; they can only give you quantity. Only the language of love starts penetrating you through a different dimension, through the vertical dimension.
5.When you become accustomed to love and you know what is going to happen, it becomes a routine, predictable; it is no more of any value. Love lives only when it remains unpredictable; one never knows what is going to happen. When nothing can be taken for granted, not even for a single moment, when one can allow and one can accept that this is going to happen, when the next moment remains open with no possibility of predicting, then there is laughter because there is constant surprise.
6.Deep contentment is the visible sign of love. Whenever a person is in love, he is in deep contentment. Love cannot be seen, but contentment, the deep satisfaction around himÖhis every breath, his every movement, his very being ó content.
7.We think we love. And if you think that you love, then there is no possibility for love to happen ó because if this is love, then everything is closed. Make fresh efforts. Try to find in the other the real being that is hidden. Donít take anybody for granted. Every individual is such a mystery that if you go on and on into him it is endless. But we get bored with the other ó because just the periphery, and always the periphery.
8.Remember always: in love, you are always wrong. And then the possibility will open and the other will also feel the same. We create the feeling in the other. When lovers are close, immediately thoughts go jumping from one to the other. Even if they are not saying anything, they are silent, they communicate.
9.Language is for non-lovers, those who are not in love. For lovers, silence is enough language. Without saying anything, they go on speaking.
10.If you take love as sadhana, then donít say the other is wrong. Just try to find out: somewhere, something must be wrong in you, and drop that wrongness.
11.These are the two paths. Love means working out your path through relationship. And meditation: working it out in your loneliness. Love and meditation ó these are the two paths. Feel which will suit you. Then bring your total energies to it, and move on that path.
12.Love, and more love becomes available; use more and you have more. This is the law of life. You can eat the cake and have it also. Compassion, love, activity, whatsoever the dimension, the same rule applies. Whatsoever you want more of, do the same. If you want to become an infinite source of love, then go on sharing love as much as you can. Donít be a miser; only misers lose energy. And we are all misers, thatís why we always feel dissipated.
13.When you are in love, language is not needed. GesturesÖeven silence becomes eloquent.
14.Love needs another; meditation can be done alone. Man can achieve through meditation ó thatís why he can achieve directly. He can be alone. He is alone deep down. Loneliness comes naturally to man. For a woman, to be alone is difficult, very difficult, almost impossible. Her whole being is a deep urge to love, and for love, the other is needed. How can you love if the other is not there? You can meditate if the other is not there ó there is no problem. Woman, the female energy, reaches the meditative state through love; and the male energy reaches love through meditation.
15.Our love is a relationship.
And when love is a relationship, it creates misery. When love is a state
of being, it creates bliss. A Buddha is also in love, but he is not trying
to love you. Simply because of the way he is, love spreads. Love becomes
a perfume and goes to the far comers of the earth.
If you can become a mirror you have become a meditator. Meditation is nothing but skill in mirroring. And now, no word moves inside you so there is no distraction. Osho
Zen is all-inclusive. It never denies, it never says no to anything; it accepts everything and transforms it into a higher reality. Osho
You become that which you think you are. Or, it is not that you become it, but that the idea gets very deeply rooted - and that's what all conditioning is. Osho
Man has lost one quality, the quality of zestfulness. And without zest, what is life? Just waiting for death? It can't be anything else. Osho
You can enter yoga, or
the path of yoga, only when you are totally frustrated with your own mind
as it is. If you are still hoping that you can gain something through your
mind, yoga is not for you. Osho
First meditate, be blissful, then much love will happen of its own accord. Then being with others is beautiful and being alone is also beautiful. Then it is simple, too. You dont depend on others and you dont make others dependent on you. Then it is always a friendship, a friendliness. It never becomes a relationship, it is always a relatedness. You relate, but you dont create a marriage. Marriage is out of fear, relatedness is out of love. You relate; as long as things are moving beautifully, you share. And if you see that the moment has come to depart because your paths separate at this crossroad, you say good-bye with great gratitude for all that the other has been to you, for all the joys and all the pleasures and all the beautiful moments that you have shared with the other. With no misery, with no pain, you simply separate. Osho
The child can become conscious only if in his past life he has meditated enough, has created enough meditative energy to fight with the darkness that death brings. One simply is lost in an oblivion and then suddenly finds a new womb and forgets completely about the old body. There is a discontinuity. This darkness, this unconsciousness creates the discontinuity. The East has been working hard to penetrate these barriers. And ten thousand years' work has not been in vain. Everybody can penetrate to the past life, or many past lives. But for that you have to go deeper into your meditation, for two reasons: unless you go deeper, you cannot find the door to another life; secondly, you have to be deeper in meditation because if you find the door of another life, a flood of events will come into the mind. It is hard enough even to carry one life.... Osho
What meditation does slowly, slowly, a good shout of the master, unexpectedly, in the situation where the disciple was asking some question, and the master jumps and shouts, or hits him, or throws him out of the door, or jumps over him.... These methods were never known. It was purely the very creative genius of Ma Tzu, and he made many people enlightened. Sometimes it looks so hilarious: he threw a man from the window, from a two-storey house, and the man had come to ask on what to meditate. And Ma Tzu not only threw him, he jumped after him, fell on him, sat on his chest, and he said, "Got it?!" And the poor fellow said, "Yes" - because if you say "No," he may beat you or do something else! It is enough - his body is fractured, and Ma Tzu, sitting on his chest, says, "Got it?!" And in fact he got it, because it was so sudden, out of the blue - he could never have conceived it. Osho
Zen says: be empty. Look without any idea. Look into the nature of things but with no idea, with no prejudice, with no presupposition.
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